It was a stormy night and Liam and his Dad had been at the pub. Liam's Dad was drunk. He wanted to drive home but Liam wouldn't let him. His Dad pinned him up against the wall and said in a firm angry voice "Give me the keys!" Liam shook his head. His Dad held up his fist to Liam and shouted "Give me the keys!" Liam gave them to him he couldn't do anything about his Dad's temper. He took the keys out of his pocket and dangled them infront of his Dads face. His Dad grabbed the keys and got in the car. Liam nervously got in the other side of the car and put his seatbelt on. Hid Dad spead of in the car going all over the road. A car came from thIt was a stormy night and Liam and his Dad had been at the pub. Liam's Dad was drunk. He wanted to drive home but Liam wouldn't let him. His Dad pinned him up against the wall and said in a firm angry voice "Give me the keys!" Liam shook his head. His Dad held up his fist to Liam and shouted "Give me the keys!" Liam gave them to him he couldn't do anything about his Dad's temper. He took the keys out of his pocket and dangled them infront of his Dads face. His Dad grabbed the keys and got in the car. Liam nervously got in the other side of the car and put his seatbelt on. Hid Dad spead of in the car going all over the road. A car came from the other direction while they were driving on the wrong side of the road. Liam grabbed the wheel trying to avoid the other car. He lost control of the car. The car tipped and the engine started smoking. The car coming in the other stopped. Two men ran out to try and save them. They managed to pull Liam out but his Dad was unconsious and his legs were trapped. The car started smoking heavily. The two men had to pull Liam away from the car. He struggled. He didn't want to let his Dad die. The xar caught fire. There was a big explosion.
Two years later Liam was playing american football. It was the last game of the season and it was against their biggest rivals. Liam was making every tackle. His rivals were annoyed at this.
Liam made another tackle and the guy he tackled got up and said "You know it is a pitty about your Dad."
Liam turned around and threw hiself at the guy. He took the helmet of his head and took a big swing back and punched him in the nose. The guy fell to the ground. He was out cold!
In the changing rooms they were celebrating about the victory but Liam was worried about what his Mum would say. His friend came over.
He said "I'll miss you."
Liam was confused at this.
"What are you talking about?" asked Liam
His friend went quiet.
He answered slowly "Has your Mum not told you?" "You are moving!"
Liam was shocked and outraged about it.
Liam charged in the door and slammed it behind him. He stormed into the kitchen his Mum was standing cooking.
His Mum turned around and said " Your coach called," " he said You've been fighting."
"Well yes i have been fighting but do you want to know what i have just fund out?"
"It doesn't matter what you have just found out," His Mum said.
Liam interupted her and screamed " So it does't matter to you that we are moving and you didn't tell me!"
There was an awkward scilence.
Liam asked " Well is it true?"
His Mum answered " Yes it is true but i didn't want to tell you because i knew you would react like this."
"So what were you going to do pack my stuff tell me to get in the car and tell me when we got there?" Liam yelled with anger.
No i wasn't sure how or when i was going to tell you," said his mum.
"Whatever," Liam said while walking through to his bedroom.
It was the day of the move and he removal truck was parked outside. Liam's little brother James was helping the men carry the furniture out to the truck. Liam's Mum walked through his bedroom and told him to start working.
"No i don't see why i should Becky," said Liam
"That is Mum to you," said Becky.
Liam replied "No it's not any proper Mum would have told their son that they were moving."
The removal men and James were almost finished with the furniture and Liam was sitting against a wall outside the house. His Mum slowly walked over to him thinking about what she was going to say to him. She got down and sat next to him. She sighed.
She finally plucked up the corage to say "Are you ready to go?"
Liam answered "No but i have no choice so why are you askiing?"
"I'm sorry but i want your brother to do well and there is no facilities that are good enough here," said Becky.
Liam said " Well i dont think we should all have to suffer, i will lose all my friends."
"Well i am sorry," said Becky
They all got into the car and drove towards the highway. Before they reached the highway they made a toilet and went in the little store to get snacks. Afterthat they drove through they highway gettind stuck in traffic a several number of times. When they arrived at their flat they moved the furniture in first and then the boxes with their clothes in them. Becky thought they should order pizza for their first night in a new house. The boys agreed with delight. It was only on a rare casion that they got take-away. Becky phoned the pizza place. They said it would be delivered in fourty minutes or they got it free. Liam went through to his bedroom with all the boxes with his name on them. He started to unpack his stuff when he came to a box with all his Dads old boxing things in it. He stared at the shirt that he found. He grasped it tightly he didn't want to forget is Dad completely. Liam heard the doorbell ring. It was the pizza delivery boy. It had only been twenty minutes. They piad him and went to sit down at the table. Becky asked if they wanted drinks. They both wanted coca cola. When Liam got his glass he walked through to his bedroom. Becky shook her head.
James asked Becky " Does he hate me?"
"No of course he doesn't he is just mad at me because i didn't tell him we were moving," said Becky.
They carried on eating their pizza. It was silent. They heard the doorbell. It broke the silence. It was their nieghbours with flowers and a box of chocoltes welcoming them to thier new home. Becky thanked them and asked them to come round for dinner on Wednesday. Becky wanted them to get to know eachother because they had a son the same age as him. She thought it might help him at school if he already had someone that he knew. Thier neighbours agreed and walked back towards thier house. Becky closed the door behind them and shouted through to Liam to tell him about thier neighbours coming over. He said nothing and walked back to his bedroom. James had had a long day and said goodnight to his Mum and went through to his bedroom. She smiled at him.
The next day it was James's fist day at his squash school. He was very nervous. He walked slowly in through the front doors. It seamed like evryone was staring at him. He ran to the bathrooms. He heard the laughter from outside. There were boys in the bathroom taking steriods. They looked at him. The biggest guy who looked like they leader pinned him up against the wall and warned him not to tell anyone about this or he will never play squash again. James was exremely frightened he walked out of the bathroom. He looked like he had seen a ghost. A boy walked up to him and introduced himself. His name was Darren.
"I'm James," said James.
They walked and talked. Darren showed him where all his classes were and James walked nto his first class. His teacher greeted him and told him to take a seat. The final bell rang and the whole class was in the classroom. The teacher was telling the class that they had a new pupil in their class. All the children looked around.
"Stand up James and tell us a little bit about yourself," said Mrs Lafferty.
James stood up and looked around the class and spotted the boys that were in the bathroom. They stared at him and made threatening singns at him. James told the class his name and some of his hobbies and the sports he liked. He said squash.
The boy from the bathroom said "Well that is obvious your in a squash school,"
James sat down. The class was silent doing thier work. Then the bell rang and all of the class rushed out except from James. He was looking at his timetable it said Physical Education. He asked Mrs Lafferty where to go. She directed him. He walked out and headed in the direction that he was told.
Mean while back at the house Liam was almost ready to go. He wasn't nervous at all. He got in the car and drove off away from the house. He was driving over the hill and gradually saw his new high school in the horizon. He got more and more nervous the closer he came to the school. He was almost in a da dream and thier was a red light up ahead. Another car tooted it's horn and Liam saw the the red light. He slammed on the brakes and just managed to stop in time. He took a big breath in and ferociously blew it back out. The light turned green and he started to drive again. He saw a sign showing the name of the school and an arrow pointing towards the school. He turned a corner and it was there in front of him. He took another turn to the car park and stuggled to find a place to park. When he finally did find a place he got out the car and looked around. He saw lots of teenagers having fun laughing with eachother. He walked forward. He had only tooken a few steps away from the car when three boys drove past in a black BMW X5 and threw a macaroni pie it him. It hit him in the chest. Luckily for him he had a vest on under his t-shirt. He walked in the school. The head teacher was there to meet him. He took him to his office ad gave him his timetable. He had arranged a guide for him for the first few days. His guides name was max. They walked to there first class it was english. Liam sat in the empty seat and waited with the rest of the class for the teacher. The heard the the door slam from behind them. It was the teacher. He introduced himself to Liam. His name was Mr Fratell. He begun the lesson. He was asking questions. Liam hoped he got one that he knew the answer to. Mr Fratell asked a girl at the back of he class. She didn't have a clue what the answer was. Liam could tell by the expression on her face. He knew the answer. He said it. Mr Fratell turned round and looked at Liam. Liam thought he was going to get in trouble but Mr Fratell was impressed and told Liam that he was. The rest of the class started laughing except the girl at the back. The bell rang and the whole class packed up there books and shot out the door like bullets. It was lunch time and Liam's guide was showing Liam videos on his phone. He got the one of a game of american football. Liam recognised it. Well at least he thought he did. He looked at the number on the back of the persons shirt. It was the same number that was on his shirt the day of the fight when he knocked out the guy who mentioned his Dad. "That is me," said Liam.
He looked up at max, he was gobsmacked. The bell rang and they walked towards there next class. It was there last lesson of the day and it seemed like it was going extremely slowly. Liam was sitting with his head on his fist. His eyes were slowly closing. It was religous education. Liam hated this subject. Suddenly the bell rang and Liam jumped. He grabbed his textbook, chucked it in his bag and walked out of the classroom with the rest of the class. When he was out he looked around to see if he could see Max. I didn't look like he was going to to spot him. Then when he was walking down the corridor listening to his i-pod he heard someone shout his name. He turned around. It was Max. They started walking to the car park When Liam was almost at his car a white Nissan Skyline pulled up in front of him with the back windows tinted one of them rolled down and he saw the girl from his class. She smiled at him. She handed him a bit of paper. He opened it up. It was an address. He looked at her again. She drove of in the back of the car. Then another bit of paper fell on the floor. Liam picked it up. It said be there tonight at 7pm. He got in his car and drove home. When he was home he went in the shower in preparation for 7pm. He walked through to his bedroom with his towel wrapped around him. He put on a t-shirt and a pair of jeans. Then he looked inside his cupboard. He layed out all his shirts and tried on one. He didn't like it. After a few attempts he found one he liked. He walked out the door. He took one last look at the address and tried to find it on the map even though he had a rough idea where it was. He found it and drove away from his house. He was at the other end of the street from where the house was and he could already hear the music. He got out of the car and slowly started walking towards the house through a massive garden. He was looking for the girl that had invited him. He couldn't see her but he saw Max. Max spotted Liam aswell and slowy started jogging over to him. The walked inside together and there was still no sign of the girl that had invited him. The walked through the house and Max hid his video camera with him. He took his camera everywhere. Max new most of the people at the party but a lot of them didn't like him. It was really hot inside the house so they decidide to go outside a look. Before they got to the garden they ha to go through an archway. As the got closer they heard cheers. They wondered what it was. The could see the croud watching something like a little stadium or something. They got to the back of the croud and started pushing there way to the front. They so to people fighting. They look up at Liam and stopped. They moved away. Someone pushed Liam into the ring. The croud cheered. He looked around and saw Ryan coming in the other side of the ring. Liam looked worried. He was wondering what was going on. Liam tried to push his way back through the croud but everyone was pushing him back. Ryan started laughing. Liam looked around. Liam took one last go at trying to push trough the croud and this time he was actually getting somewhere but the then he heard Ryan.
" It is a real shame about your Dad," Ryan said. Liam spun round in rage and lashed at Ryan.
Ryan stepped back and said " You want some gloves dont you? "
" Yes," said Liam menicingly.
Someone in the croud handed him a pair of gloves. Liam snatched them and put them on. He looked up and saw Ryan grinning while putting his gloves on. Liam punched Ryan a few times but Ryan just took them. Liam stopped. Ryan laughed. He looked at Liam menicingly. He punched Liam.
' see it is easy to use that old school boxing, but if you want to get somewhere aroung here you've got to mix it up,' said ryan. Ryan took to bouncig steps towards Liam and kiced him in the back the knee. Liam leg gave way and Liam was limping. Ryan then stepped back and kicked the other leg. Liam was in a ball on the ground. He was getting angry and looked up at ryan who had a grin on his face. This made Liam even more angry. He saw someone holdig a drink He got up and hit it out of there hands and into Ryan's face. Ryan overe his eyes with his arm. Liam got up and started puching Ryan. Liam got Ryan to the ground. He was on top of Ryan and had his arm pinned. Ryan still had his legs. He slowly lifted them up and put them over Liam neck and pulled them back down to the ground. Liam had to get off of Ryan now so he rolled backwards and they both stood up. Ryan got Liam in a headlock and started punching him in the face. Liam
Feedback for LR21
LR21 tells us the story of a boy who loses his father in a car accident. Liam’s father is drunk at the time. Although Liam tries valiantly to save his father, he dies when the car explodes.
Because Liam attacks anyone who mentions his father’s death, we gain the impression that Liam feels guilty about his father’s death. He has a punch up with a boy whilst playing American football with a visiting team.
Liam feels resentful that he has to move schools to give his brother the best opportunity to develop his talents as a squash player. And after the move LR21 suggests there will be challenges and difficulties for Liam’s brother James because he discovers on his first day that some of the boys at this school are taking steroids.
Meanwhile Liam’s first day appears more optimistic because although he too encounters hostility from pupils at his new school, he finds his English teacher is impressed with his answers in class and is invited by a girl to a party. LR21 has Liam meet again the boy who had taunted him about the death of his father on the American football pitch. The boy appears quite friendly though and it is not until Liam is at the party that he realizes he has been set up. He ends up in a boxing match with Ryan who taunts him about his father.
This is clever plotting by LR21. He has worked hard here to produce an interesting story. The opening scene of the car crash is arresting and exciting. He has chosen two sporting brothers who are obviously going to compete with each other on and off the field. He has given each brother an interesting challenge: James has illegal drugs; Liam the guilt over his father’s death.
I certainly wanted to know what was going to happen next. I was gripped.
If there had been more time I am sure LR21 would have continued to develop the stories of the two boys in contrast to each other. Perhaps James the ‘apple’ of his mother’s eye would have ultimately disappointed her by achieving sporting success through the use of illegal and dangerous drugs? Perhaps Liam would have continued to appear the ‘bad lad’ by fighting and getting into trouble? Perhaps his P.E. teacher would have recognized his potential as a boxer and helped Liam to become an athlete who is successful in an honest way. Maybe the ‘bad girl’ who helped to set him up at the party would feel guilty about that and eventually realise that Liam is a young man who tries to meet his challenges head on. Perhaps she helps him to know he was not responsible for his father’s death? Perhaps they fall in love? Perhaps Liam becomes a firefighter because he was not able to save his father?
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