The mega man
It was a Thursday, the sun was shining, the birds were chirping and Danny was having a great day. He was at the beach and for a normal 15 year old boy this was alot of fun, but for Danny it was an experience of a lifetime, he was lying on the sand sun bathing until suddenly a big rain cloud covered the sun and all underneath it. This rain cloud was a bit like Danny, a bit of a loner, didnt have alot going for himand nobody really seemed to like him, whenever he had friends he always found a way of pushing them away, maybe this was the way it was meant to be.
So Danny trodded off home in his skin-tight speedo's and his dads hawaiian toplooking like a bit of an idiot, all the other kids at the beach were driving home in carsbut Danny's family didnt have a car, its not that they didnt want one its just that they couldnt afford one. Danny was an only child, he lived in a housing estate where alot of bad kids lived, his mother Dorothy was a property developer until her buisness went bust dew to the credit cruch hitting the housing buisnesses hard. His father was a well established loyar and at one point was earning over 75 grand a year, until he got caught bribing a member of the jury, he was sacked and the couple have been living off of the government ever since. "hi mum" said Danny as he threw his dirty towel into the laundry basket "o hello dear, how was the beach?" replied his mum "it was fine how was your day?" shouted Danny as he walked up the stair to his bedroom "it was fine i suppose" shouted his mother as she sprinted after him up the stairs "darling, can i come in?" muttered Dorothy "ye sure" replied Danny "can i ask you to do me a favour?" questioned his mothered as she opened the door into Danny's bedroom "yes i suppose you can" replied Danny with a sort of half smile on his face "you can get job you, cant you? " said Dorothy with a face saying that she didn't really want to have this conversation with her son "yes i suppose i can, why?" replied Danny with a suspicious look on his face "oh well, its just with the child benifits starting to ware away we might need you to do us a bit of a favour" said Dorothy as she gave him a rare smile, from that moment Danny knew there was definitly up, his suspicions were correct, he knew there was something going on, and he wouldn't like the consiquences. "ok?" replied Danny with a mysterious yet interested expression on his face "well....em....you see the thing is that..." she paused for a moment of thought and took a deep breathe, as she gulped in the fresh air Danny was sitting on his bed bolt upright, eyes nearly bursting out of the sockets "well, spit it out then mum" replied Danny "well basically dear, we need you to quit school and get a job" Dorothy said boldly yet with a little bit of sympathy "but mum, why!" replied Danny with a whiney tone of voice "BECAUSE!" shouted his mother completley out of the blue, she stopped, looked at Danny and burst into tears. The noise of his mother sobbing immediatly alarmed Danny's dad and he was up there in seconds "oi, son, what you been doin'?" shouted his dad and gave Danny an evil glare "Dad, i said nothing" "so whats up then dear?" questioned Danny's dad "whats wrong, WHATS WRONG?!, we are skint John, we have no money, we have to ask our own son to start work!" shouted Dorothy it was then when Danny knew his own dads name was John, "look, son we are all family, think of this as a favour" said John in a sympathetic voice "but dad" replied Danny knowing that he wouldn't be able to say anything to change his parents decision "urgh, fine, what job?, what time?" whined Danny "em....its that corner shop near Tesco's what's it called again dear?" questioned Danny's dad "Rowntree's, Rowntree's Bakers" explained Mum "Ok, but this is only temperary!" shouted Danny but ended the sentence muttering as he seen his mum and dad basically launch themselves to the door before he could change his mind, he was employed.
So Danny was a drop out, he was simply miserable, he had no friends, no school and his family need him to work because they are to lazy and pathetic to get one of their own bleedin' own! He was raging like never before and he couldnt stop, he tried deep breathing, trying to get it out of his mind and generally trying to keep himself occupied because every spare moment of thought was filled with anger and regret, he wished he was another child, he wished he could start again, get another chance, he was blaming himself for all of his parents mistakes. So the weekend flew past and as soon as Danny woke up he knew what to do.
So it was Monday, and Danny was about to get up when it suddenly hit him, he was working today, and he had to get up straight away, he had no option but to throw on his dressing gown and hit the showers, it just wasnt going to be Danny's day which he soon realise when there was no hot water left for the shower. so Danny had a quick wash in the sink with a cloth and some soap, as soon as he walked through the panel of the Bathroom his mum was off down the stairs like a bolt of lightning "how are you feeling today dear? Nervous? excited? I bet a bit of both." beemed Danny's mum "no i can't be bothered to be quite honest, i wish i was at school" said Danny as he slammed the door to his bedroom hard infront of his mum's face, as soon as the door shut Danny turned to face the door and screwed up his face and made rude jestures to his mum who was on the other side of the door "fine, il be in the kitchen if you need me" said his mum in a sympathetic and understanding tone as she walked down stairs.
So Danny got into his Purple and orange top with a white overall which simply looked discusting, he walked out of his bedroom into the kitchen to get something to eat he was stopped by his dad "son, you look terrific" said his dad giving him another rare smile which seemed rather sarcastic from where Danny was standing "thanks dad, thanks a lot" raged Danny and turned around and stomped backed up the stairs into his bedroom "son.....im sorry" shouted his dad as he followed him up the stair "no dad f*ck off!" and turned towards his dad and gave him "the look" His dad knew he wasnt going to enjoy today, he knew it was him and Dorothy's fault that he had to work and he knew that it was because his fault that he couldnt supply his own family with anything nowadays, but the one thing Danny's dad was god at was keeping is mouth shut and keeping his opinions to himself. I suppose he learned that at law school. Danny was sitting in his room cuddling up to his teddy "wishart" which he had named when he was 6 and never had any doubts about changing it, this teddy made him think of the past, when his parents went out to work at 8 30am every morning and came back at 5pm, when he lived in a normal house with hot water, a swimmin pool and a garden the size of a football pitch, he remembered when he had friends, James, Craig, Lewis and Jamie all of them used to come over to his in the summer and play hide and seek until the sun went down, the good old days as his mum used to put it, but now they are stuck in a cramped up detatched house in the centre of a housing estate where the police pretty much camp out at every night. But Danny didn't care after all its not like he was going to get in trouble any time soon. As soon as Danny finished his "flash-back from the past" there was a knock on the door, this knock would change Danny's life FOREVER!
"Hi Mrs Torino!" shouted a loud voice at the front door, Danny stood up listened in at the top of the staircase, "o hi Daisy, what on earth are you doing here?" replied a shocked Dorothy "well....." said Laura as she blew a bubble with the chewing gum and poped it with her index finger "i was just wondering if Danny wanted to come to a party, this Saturday?" carried on Daisy as she pulled back the edge of her hair past the end her ear "yes im sure he would be fine" replied Dorothy as she knew this would maybe cheer Danny up a little bit from his foul mood "what time would you want to come past?" carried on Dorothy "eh....9?" questioned Daisy with a anxious look "9 sounds great, il let him know" smiled back Danny's mum as she closed the door, she leaned back into the and gave a loud yelp which she was trying to hold in. Danny was liked. And more than that he was invited to a cool a person's party, well.....maybe Daisy wasn't exactly the popularest girl known to the world but, she was known for her great looks and great parties. "Darling, i have good news for you" shouted Dorothy with a slight spring in her tone of voice "what?" replied Danny who knew exactly what was going on after listening into Daisy and his mother's conversation "your invited to a party, its the lass from along the roads birthday, i think she likes you" said his mum in that tone of voice that mum's always use when it comes to girls to make her son embarest but chuffed at the same time. "o i see, shut up mum!" shouted back Danny as he decided come out of his room and walk "right im off, i can't be bothered to get a lift and legged it down stairs and slammed the front door.
Danny turned to face the house, then to Daisy's house and smiled then turned around and headed to work, he managed to reach the crossroad at the end of his road before he spotted her, Daisy, she was crossing the road looking straight at Danny, and more importantly, she was looking fit. 'Hi Danny" shouted Daisy as she sprinted on the pavment "Hey Daisy, hows it goin'?" replied Danny chuffed that he'd said "Goin" instead "Going" which was a word he'd always wanted to say "o im just fine thanks, party on Friday?" "ye sure thing, should be a laugh eh?" replied Danny who was rather chuffed with his use of words "yeah, hey do you want to get some lunch today?" questioned Daisy as she gave Danny a raised smile "yeah sure" replied Danny as he took out a tissue fro his back pocket and wrote his mobile number down on it, Danny was extremely pleased with himself as he had seen on movies with cool actors doing the same with great success "give me a text at lunch ok?" said Danny as he turned to place he tissues back into his pocket "yeah, see ya" "right ok see you later" replied Danny as he walked off past the cross road onto a junction.
Danny's first day flew past and but by the time lunch came there was no text from Daisy, or the next day as Friday night came Danny was feeling rather confused about what had happened, the anger of having to leave school had worn off rather quickly as Danny finally had a friend, or atleast he thought he had one. He had already been showered and dressed since the second he came home from work, this was at 4 30pm. The party itself was to start at 11. As the next six and a half hours were mainly made up of watching the tv show "QI" and listening to Van Morrison, you could see that Danny wasnt much of a party man. At 11 01pm Danny walked across the road to Daisy's, as he reached the other pavement Danny could here the Music already blaring throught the Window panes and onto the road below. He knocked hard onto the door, this must have been the most effort Danny has ever put into such a simple thing like knocking on a door, "Hey Danny" said Daisy's Sister April "O hey April i was just wondering...." Danny was interupted by a loud shout "April, what did i tell you?! No answering the door! Get back to your Room NOW!" April quivered and then muttered "ok, im sorry" and ran back upstairs "o hey Danny, come in" said Daisy as she gave him a smile, Danny dewly entered. The party was in full swing, it was just as Danny had seen them in the films lots of alcoholic beverages follow by drinking games and strip poker. Danny's face suddenly lit up with excitement, he could hardly hear Daisy speak through the loud music and people shouting over the top of it "what you drinking?" shouted Daisy from the kitchen and then suggested for him to follow him Danny was slightly flustered but did as he was told, he reached the kitchen where Daisy was standing, she handed him a drink and Danny accepted "you know Danny, me and you have alot in common" said Daisy looking slightly more serious "do we?" replied Danny as he took a gulp of his beverage "yes we do, Mega Man" then suddenly Danny fainted, he blacked out.
The next morning Danny woke up remembering nothing of what happened last night. Apart from the fact that he had lost his shoes but aswell as that he woke up feeling like a different person, he didnt know what happened last night but he felt much better. For a change he wanted to get up for work rather than be pulled out of bed by his mother. He looked over and saw his phone, he had 20 texts from folk he hadnt even met, or even if he did know them they were way to popular to be texting Danny. Danny smiled and shouted "Mum! I need a top up!" as he laughed and jumped into the shower
Feedback for Pokergeek
Pokergeek uses contrast effectively in his opening; he uses a change in the weather to describe his character – as a dark cloud descends on the setting he compares his character to it. Deedily done Mr Pokergeek!
His protagonist, Danny, is almost immediately plunged into difficulty. We learn about his lack of friends and feel sympathy for him. We feel for Danny when his parents’ financial problems cause them to force Danny into leaving school and taking a job he does not want. As readers we are gripped and totally understand Danny’s anger and despair:
‘He was raging like never before and he couldnt stop, he tried deep breathing, trying to get it out of his mind and generally trying to keep himself occupied because every spare moment of thought was filled with anger and regret, he wished he was another child, he wished he could start again, get another chance, he was blaming himself for all of his parents mistakes.’
Pokergeek’s repetition of ‘wished’ in the above quotation tells us of his deep regret about his situation. He makes his character very real to us. Pokergeek has Danny remember his wealthy past and again uses contrast effectively to show us his new situation:
‘this teddy made him think of the past, when his parents went out to work at 8 30am every morning and came back at 5pm, when he lived in a normal house with hot water, a swimmin pool and a garden the size of a football pitch, he remembered when he had friends, James, Craig, Lewis and Jamie all of them used to come over to his in the summer and play hide and seek until the sun went down, the good old days as his mum used to put it, but now they are stuck in a cramped up detatched house in the centre of a housing estate where the police pretty much camp out at every night. But Danny didn't care after all its not like he was going to get in trouble any time soon.
The last sentence prepares us for the fact that Danny is about to get into some very serious trouble. I really wanted to know what was going to happen next. Pokergeek weaves a great yarn.
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