There was a little girl on a summer break. She was asking and asking her mum and dad if they would go to the beach. She also had a sister but her sister was always with her friends. But she asked her sister if she wanted to come and it was like usual i am going with my friends the day.
After awhile she went to the beach with her mum, dad and dog. She was trying to get her mums attention but she was not listening so the girl shouted "mum" she stilled didn't pay any attention so she shouted "Yvonne," she finally turned around.
Katie said " Can I get Kiwi please," Kiwi was there dog and Katie is the youngest daughter the oldest one is called Carly.
Yvonne said "What for?"
Katie said " To go for a swim in the sea."
Then her mum shouted " Be careful," and she sent Kiwi away to Katie and Kiwi went to Katie. And they went swimming in the sea. After awhile they went home. When they got home they were tidying the house up because mums dad was coming up like he always does. While mum and Carly was tidying i went in the shower and her dad went to work. When Katie got out of the shower she help her mum tidy the house. It was a Sunday as well so Katie's dad parents were coming out. The girls call them grand and gran there mums dad also calls at 15:00 pm but he didn't call the day because he was getting ready to lave the morn he had to get up really early in the morning to travel. He got the plane at 05:45am, and gets into the Tankerness Airport at 10:45am. We had to be there for 10:30am. So we all went to bed earlier than usual. We all woke up and we were fighting for the shower. We were all ready for 09:30am and left the house and we got there for 10am. None of us had eaten so we all got something to eat and to drink. The plane got in early it came in at 10:30am. So we got his stuff and went home. When we got home they got Carly and Katie to do the teas and coffee for everyone. When the kids were making the cuppas there grandad got them there present he had got down were he stays. And there was stuff from his sister as well. He got them both some money and sweets he also gave there dad a box of chocolate and he gave mum who is his daughter book 's, sweets, flower plot because she loves to have stuff to do with garden's and she also got some money. When everyone had done with there cup of coffee or tea. Everyone had settled down watched a bit of TV then they had tea.
After a few of days the mother and the daughters went to shop with there grandad. It was nearly Katies birthday so her grandads gets anything she wants. She didn't see anything that day but she has nearly two weeks to go back into town and get something. After a few day's the go back in and it was brunch time so they went and had something to eat. After brunch the went to shop and Katie got a new top and shoes her sister also got a new dress. When they got home the made something to eat, then they watched TV. There dad came home and said "Hi" and then went on the phone for ages. while he was doing that the rest of them went for a walk and when they came back he was off the phone and on the computer. He never comes of the computer until like early the next morning. So the mum would try and get him up and he just stayed in bed until nearly mid after noon. He would get up and rush so he would get to work. He did this like every day. The family was getting fed up from him because he was doing nothing with the family and when the asked to do something he would start and he would get a phone call and it would be his brother and he would speak to the for ages and the wife and daughters would come last in his life. He did this for days and the family was getting really angry with him. Her mums dad was saying thing to her. The next day the daughters and the mum and her dad went to the beach. When they came back they painted the fences. When the did that the daughters dad came home with tea so they had tea and then there dads folk came out for a tea and coffee. The is only a week left then there grandad gone back home. So the next morning we went to and see there grandad's sister, then went for a meal. When they got home the mother and Katie went for a walk. When the came back Carly went out with friends and the rest of them played a game. And when they were playing a game Katie fell asleep and she woke up worried after. But she didn't tell anyone what happened but when she went to bed she wrote in her dairy what had happen in the dream. " Dear dairy, We went to go and see my grandad's sister and then went for a meal with her. I also went for a walk with my mum and Carly went out with her friends and grandad, mum and me played a game and i feel asleep when we were playing it. I had a bad dream it was about my parents splitting up, it went like this my dad never came home from work and my mum got a text and it said " I am leaving you for another women tell the kids i will come back to see them and i will........" i woke up so i don't know what happened after that. I hope this don't happen to me. And by the way it is only one week till my birthday. :) I can't wait to have my party.
After that dream it all went wrong everything happened, my parents we getting in bigger fights and saying things that you wouldn't think the would say to someone you love but they did here. Poor Katie didn't know what to do and her sister was never there and her mum's dad was alot of the time in his room. She couldn't't speak to her mum because she was the one making Katie sad. So she spoke to her best friend Iona, she would say every family would have fights and she didn't believe her so she would worry all day and night . Then it came to the day that there father had......
Her sister came home one night and she was having trouble to walk she had to in to hospital and get it cheeked out her foot was broken. So she had to rest it and when we got home the fight was forgoton about. And all the family were helping Carly with everything. They wouldn't give her a break. The next day it was going all good then it came to tea time and it went all wrong the mum and dad got in another fight. So Katie went to lie in he bed and her dog came to. And Carly was in her bedroom on the computer and her mums dad was out for a walk. When he came back he wonder what has happend because..... Katie was writing i her dairy " Now dairy it has all happend the family are in more bigger fights and the sister broke her foot so nothing is going right for my family anymore. Well my mum is crying in her room and Carly is on her computer and her dad was.....
The family were all split up at this moment Katie had no i dear what to do. When Katie was done with her dairy she start to llok throught some old pictures. And when she was looking throught the pictures her dad came through and said he was going to cheek if everything was ok at his mums cause they went on holiday, and Katie said speak later. And he was like yeah love you. And he said the same to Carly. After awhile Carly was crying and Katie was confussed so she went to ask her mum what has happend but she was crying aswell. But Katie still asked what has happend and her mum said that Katies dad has left. And Katie just ran and went to her bedroom. And started crying aswell. Then she phoned her dads mobile and he didn't answer so she left a message. She was shouting at him and swearing. Katies mums dad was up aswell ad he was trying to confert her but nothing was working so she made her a cup of tea and she said can i get something stronger please. Katie said Yeah. After a peedie bit Katies grandad went to bed, Carly, Katie and there mum could not get to sleep so they sat up for most of the night. Katie and her mum were sitting in her mums bed and Carly was in her own. Katie went and asked if she wanted to come in with us but she said no. ater a cupple of days everyone was feeling a bit better. There was only a few days left till Katies mums dad had to go. We were trying to get someone to help us take him to the plane but everyone was busy. For the last night there grandad bought them tea. He was getting the plane the next morning. After they had there tea they had a phone call. It was one of there mums asking if she needed anything. And she said " Can you come over the morn and take my dad to the airport please?"
Her friend said " Yeah what time do you want me to come?"
Her mum said " well the plane laves at 9 so we would have to be there for about 8.30 so could you please come about 8 please. If that is okay."
Her friend said " yeah that is fine i will be there for 8, if you ever need anything just call."
Her mum said " Thanks so much. See you the morn. " So she thought to her self that is that done. What is next then it hit her that Katie and Carly's dad would be comming over to get his things. But she was just thinking about getting her dad out of here, it must have been teribal for him. She kept on saying it. Well it came to a new day we were all getting ready to leave so grandad could get his plane. There mums friend came to pick them up. When they got there they were early so they had something to eat. After they had something to eat they had to go cause they were redy to get on the
plane now. When they were going home we went to the shops to pick things up. When they got home thephone was ringing no-one picked it up. But they left a message it was the kids dad saying he was going to come and get his things. So mums friend stayed to give him his stuff. When he came he thought he was going to be able to come in the house. But he couldn't. When he went there mums friend had to go back home when she went she said " Call me if you need anything anytime aswell. See you later. "
The girls mum said " thankyou i will call later maybe."
It was coming on to be late afternoon the girls were playing outside there mum was on the phone to her mum. It was all good. Until......
Feedback for Sobland
I enjoyed your story Sobland.
You have the makings of a good family drama here. What an excellent idea to look at the problems in a marriage from the points of view of both the parents and the children. Conflict always keeps a reader interested.
Just two pointers – sort your story into focused paragraphs. For example – write about an argument and only that argument in one paragraph, then write about the effect on others in the next paragraph. You could alternate the story between paragraphs. Plan a story before you begin writing next time so that you will be able to make better use of your very good ideas.
And just one more tip - write your stories using EITHER the third person (he she or they) OR the first person (‘I’ or ‘we’) so it is very clear who is telling the story.
What a great idea to base the story around a plane journey. The idea of the father leaving the mother at the same time as he is also leaving to go away on a journey works well. It emphasizes the importance of his leaving and makes it heartbreaking. This hooks your reader. Well done.